Tuesday, September 30, 2003
hunger
Poli’s jaw is sore. His head aches and his eyes are swollen and blood shot. One more day, just one more day… it will all be over. A death, and a consequent rebirth, as is every action in life. Every breath and every thought is a beginning and an end. Want.. and need. Anything he could grasp was poison. His body is old and used. His mind is young and fantastic, he feels need. Imagination. His sore life is at an end, and he exerts more patients than he ever has before. From the outside it almost seems like a tribute to anyone who has ever suffered. A willing mistake? He could just indulge himself… choice is poison. I choose life. A lovely term coined a lovely person, in 96 or 97. fire dies, but it’s energy remains. Fire dies when it has nothing left to burn. The soul likewise. Spirits, people, things, feelings. They all cease to exist, if they ever did exist. They change so subtly. A person dies, and countless people take his place. His personality propagates. He dies, so he can be. When a person is deceased we can finally say he is truly alive.
In all of our lives we die several times, some more, and some less. Every time you change your mind, you die. Every time you open your eyes, every time you look unto life as a dawning not yet felt or known, you cry out with your first breath. Every feeling is a creation, and every sigh is an annihilation.
Poli is dieing. The spirits, the emotions. He is changing, before his own eyes. He counts the seconds, the minutes and the hours. The need keeps him in wake as he strangles it and watches it every so slowly turn blue and suffocate. He strangles himself and waits.
Quivering muscles, hardened tissue.. darkened extremities and fresh drool. The quickness of the eye. The judgemental attitudes of his own paranoid creations. Coming down off of existence isn’t always easy. There’s no methadone for easy outs and backdoor slides back in when no one’s looking. Black and white and all colours absolute. Detachment is both religeous enlightenment and a diagnosable mental illness. Buddha hasn’t taken his tradozone today, and neither will poli. Detachment is not a drug, but a horrible gruelling absence. An empty space in the mind. A conditioned mind.. conditioned to omit the possible existence of an infinite material or space, infinity is not condoned nor comprehended tho it is present in the detached mind. It is a cruel punishment for those superb enough to attempt at knowledge only hypothesized in myths, legends and the vatican. The knowledge of nothing in incredibly painful. And this pain of poli’s experience is not even the beginning, but as stressed afore, merely the end.
What is the point? Please help me. Tell me when this pain will end and when I may breath freely… please. I beg of you.
What is on.. the other side?
Nothing.
Nothing is everything as absolute existence and absolute non existence are one. Trying to visualize infinity is rather similar to the visualization of annulity.an empty space, not even a space an infinite nothing. A question mark, it answers itself, and doesn’t even ask a question. It merely is. You ARE. They all are. And you will be too. You were, once.
Poli shivvers, that you may shiver too.
In all of our lives we die several times, some more, and some less. Every time you change your mind, you die. Every time you open your eyes, every time you look unto life as a dawning not yet felt or known, you cry out with your first breath. Every feeling is a creation, and every sigh is an annihilation.
Poli is dieing. The spirits, the emotions. He is changing, before his own eyes. He counts the seconds, the minutes and the hours. The need keeps him in wake as he strangles it and watches it every so slowly turn blue and suffocate. He strangles himself and waits.
Quivering muscles, hardened tissue.. darkened extremities and fresh drool. The quickness of the eye. The judgemental attitudes of his own paranoid creations. Coming down off of existence isn’t always easy. There’s no methadone for easy outs and backdoor slides back in when no one’s looking. Black and white and all colours absolute. Detachment is both religeous enlightenment and a diagnosable mental illness. Buddha hasn’t taken his tradozone today, and neither will poli. Detachment is not a drug, but a horrible gruelling absence. An empty space in the mind. A conditioned mind.. conditioned to omit the possible existence of an infinite material or space, infinity is not condoned nor comprehended tho it is present in the detached mind. It is a cruel punishment for those superb enough to attempt at knowledge only hypothesized in myths, legends and the vatican. The knowledge of nothing in incredibly painful. And this pain of poli’s experience is not even the beginning, but as stressed afore, merely the end.
What is the point? Please help me. Tell me when this pain will end and when I may breath freely… please. I beg of you.
What is on.. the other side?
Nothing.
Nothing is everything as absolute existence and absolute non existence are one. Trying to visualize infinity is rather similar to the visualization of annulity.an empty space, not even a space an infinite nothing. A question mark, it answers itself, and doesn’t even ask a question. It merely is. You ARE. They all are. And you will be too. You were, once.
Poli shivvers, that you may shiver too.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
good morning viet iraq!
so, bush is now managing to spend 5 billion dollars per month to "police" iraq. oh golly momma! at least he's saving on gas.
eureka! the same money the american govt spent to sustain the war in vietnam! well, lets give them a bitsy bit of credit for the last 40 years of inflation. one of the questions that comes to mind is: "wait a minute, there are some major differences between the war in iraq ( which bush already stated is over) and the war in vietnam, the usa wasnt policing vietnam, they were actually fighting a war, and getting their asses kicked, 100s, or thousands of innocent everyday american civilians were being killed every 24 hours. so, not counting the price of human life (which according to american policy is far far lower than the price of 1 cruise missile), where is all this money actually going?" we may never have an answer, if not out of some "wacko's" conspiracy theory.
fact seems to testify that theres something in iraq thats worth protecting without any other countries or the UN's dirty hands fondling their treasure, and it defiantly isnt iraq's human population.
napoleon seemed to have disregarded the roman empires error when it invaded the black forest in an area now known as east germany. hitler seemed to have disregarded napoleon's errors when attacking russia. could it be that bush is retracing nixons steps towards economic disaster and the total abandonment of a country destroyed by american war where children still die today on american/russian land mines?
maybe, just for the sake of accuracy, we could consider uranium poisoning in the place of land mines.
all the political movement in echoland has convinced me to write something up on this subject. it is very interesting, after all. for those of you who read here and dont know of echoland i strongly suggest that you check it out. (do it! or ill bomb the fuck out of you, with or without the un)
well well well.... i have a love/hate relationship with the illustrious president of the unite states of hypocrisy, i see myself in him quite often. to be more precise he reminds me of myself when i attended pre-school. ah yes, those were the days. there was a little orange truck that i dearly loved, i became quite irate whenever someone else touched or tried to play with the little orange truck and on more than one occasion i freed my little orange truck from the tyranny of other pre school children with brut force, and of course, i was completely justified in my actions; why would anyone want to play with the orange truck if not to limit my freedom? well, begin by replacing the word truck with the words petroleum industry, the word irate with the word humanitarian and the word force with the word freedom and you can see how much i truly do sympathize with george w. bush. its just so very unfortunate that the president of such an important country can be so misunderstood.
(we all remember that bush made the money that permitted him to be elected in the petroleum industry, right?)
today is september 9th, only 2 more days until another world wide cheese festival to celebrate the first concrete, but primitive, military reaction to americas "humanitarian" foreign policies. if one child hits another child and gets hit back, the first child almost always bursts into tears and as if asking for a reason to exist from "god" the child cries " why oh why did he hit me back?" the bush family's answer to this timeless philosophical inquiry is: "because you didnt hit him hard enough, son."
but... lets not dwell on motivations of the past. lets pick up from today. what now? unfortunately for me, and for my next door neighbours italy is now involved in the new system of suppression of iraqi freedom. its only been a few days, and italian troops have already died. i suppose that we have only president berlusconi to thank for this. berlusconi has alot in common with bush as well, they are both billionaires and both corrupt. they both bought their power thru advertisement, berlusconi even owns 50% of the television stations (and obviously news programs) in the country. the only real momentary difference between the two is that berlusconi started from scratch, as a teen he scrubbed the sides of boats for spare change, not to mention that bersluconi has improved italy's economy while bush is destroying his at the constant rate of 1.25 billion dollars per week.
so truly, what next? now that bush is running out of money, will he expect the precedently flipped-off countries of the united nations to pay for his toys and even send their own troops to be picked off by snipers one by one? will he really expect other countries to lay their people under american command? in the words of mr powell (more or less) "who wouldnt want their under a competent american command?" well, obviously, working for somebody with a blatant, evident conflict of interest isnt a good idea when your life is at stake. as far as im concerned, i cant personally do anything to stop them, but i certainly wont do their dirty work for them.
i was only exempted for the italian draft 6 months ago.
eureka! the same money the american govt spent to sustain the war in vietnam! well, lets give them a bitsy bit of credit for the last 40 years of inflation. one of the questions that comes to mind is: "wait a minute, there are some major differences between the war in iraq ( which bush already stated is over) and the war in vietnam, the usa wasnt policing vietnam, they were actually fighting a war, and getting their asses kicked, 100s, or thousands of innocent everyday american civilians were being killed every 24 hours. so, not counting the price of human life (which according to american policy is far far lower than the price of 1 cruise missile), where is all this money actually going?" we may never have an answer, if not out of some "wacko's" conspiracy theory.
fact seems to testify that theres something in iraq thats worth protecting without any other countries or the UN's dirty hands fondling their treasure, and it defiantly isnt iraq's human population.
napoleon seemed to have disregarded the roman empires error when it invaded the black forest in an area now known as east germany. hitler seemed to have disregarded napoleon's errors when attacking russia. could it be that bush is retracing nixons steps towards economic disaster and the total abandonment of a country destroyed by american war where children still die today on american/russian land mines?
maybe, just for the sake of accuracy, we could consider uranium poisoning in the place of land mines.
all the political movement in echoland has convinced me to write something up on this subject. it is very interesting, after all. for those of you who read here and dont know of echoland i strongly suggest that you check it out. (do it! or ill bomb the fuck out of you, with or without the un)
well well well.... i have a love/hate relationship with the illustrious president of the unite states of hypocrisy, i see myself in him quite often. to be more precise he reminds me of myself when i attended pre-school. ah yes, those were the days. there was a little orange truck that i dearly loved, i became quite irate whenever someone else touched or tried to play with the little orange truck and on more than one occasion i freed my little orange truck from the tyranny of other pre school children with brut force, and of course, i was completely justified in my actions; why would anyone want to play with the orange truck if not to limit my freedom? well, begin by replacing the word truck with the words petroleum industry, the word irate with the word humanitarian and the word force with the word freedom and you can see how much i truly do sympathize with george w. bush. its just so very unfortunate that the president of such an important country can be so misunderstood.
(we all remember that bush made the money that permitted him to be elected in the petroleum industry, right?)
today is september 9th, only 2 more days until another world wide cheese festival to celebrate the first concrete, but primitive, military reaction to americas "humanitarian" foreign policies. if one child hits another child and gets hit back, the first child almost always bursts into tears and as if asking for a reason to exist from "god" the child cries " why oh why did he hit me back?" the bush family's answer to this timeless philosophical inquiry is: "because you didnt hit him hard enough, son."
but... lets not dwell on motivations of the past. lets pick up from today. what now? unfortunately for me, and for my next door neighbours italy is now involved in the new system of suppression of iraqi freedom. its only been a few days, and italian troops have already died. i suppose that we have only president berlusconi to thank for this. berlusconi has alot in common with bush as well, they are both billionaires and both corrupt. they both bought their power thru advertisement, berlusconi even owns 50% of the television stations (and obviously news programs) in the country. the only real momentary difference between the two is that berlusconi started from scratch, as a teen he scrubbed the sides of boats for spare change, not to mention that bersluconi has improved italy's economy while bush is destroying his at the constant rate of 1.25 billion dollars per week.
so truly, what next? now that bush is running out of money, will he expect the precedently flipped-off countries of the united nations to pay for his toys and even send their own troops to be picked off by snipers one by one? will he really expect other countries to lay their people under american command? in the words of mr powell (more or less) "who wouldnt want their under a competent american command?" well, obviously, working for somebody with a blatant, evident conflict of interest isnt a good idea when your life is at stake. as far as im concerned, i cant personally do anything to stop them, but i certainly wont do their dirty work for them.
i was only exempted for the italian draft 6 months ago.
Monday, September 08, 2003
ice pickel
cold cold cold
my summer hath vanished. autumn is like a wide hole in the ground.
it has collected the dew and residual emotions and happenings of another suffered period of life.
it is cold, and damp, and empty. it seems to beckon to winter. to freeze anything thats left.
cigarettes on cold mornings remind me of love. a slab of cold ice on my chest. my veins shiver. the thick icey blood takes twice the time to reach my brain and for brief moments the thought of her isnt so haunting.
" to see a universe in a grain of sand"
depressing imagery. the less i feel significant the more i am free. freedom isnt all its cut out to be.
freedom is nothing more than an open consciousness, or an open wound. the ultimate knowledge of nothing.
my summer hath vanished. autumn is like a wide hole in the ground.
it has collected the dew and residual emotions and happenings of another suffered period of life.
it is cold, and damp, and empty. it seems to beckon to winter. to freeze anything thats left.
cigarettes on cold mornings remind me of love. a slab of cold ice on my chest. my veins shiver. the thick icey blood takes twice the time to reach my brain and for brief moments the thought of her isnt so haunting.
" to see a universe in a grain of sand"
depressing imagery. the less i feel significant the more i am free. freedom isnt all its cut out to be.
freedom is nothing more than an open consciousness, or an open wound. the ultimate knowledge of nothing.
Monday, September 01, 2003
its like having a party in my tummy
last i had a strange dream. i was hosting a grad party in my own stomach. we were all sailing on ice bergs in a sea of acid. my brother was atttacked by a giant wasp and died. i wrestled with the wasp and manage to push down into my own stomach acid but then i was very afraid that it could sting my stomach lining. weirdness, i guess.
today is a very important day for the future independance of alexlandia from the tyrany of the dark one. i took my nephews horse riding this weekend and happend upon a very interesting offer. a construction company is desperatly trying to sell a portable home that they have no where to store. about 2000$ is the price they suggested. finding a house for sale for 2000$ doesnt happen everyday. i am anxiously awaiting news from them within the next few hours. i also have some land to put it on, so if the deal goes thru, ill be set. yay. for the mean time ill be living on the ranch with the horseys, free land space for my house in exchange for doing nightwatchperson work stuff and feeding/cleaning horses when their owners are on vacation. and eventually in the future i will move my portable house to my own land, as soon as i will have the money and permits to install sewage pipes, electricity and other neccesary house stuff in the ground. maybe biulding a foundation for my house would be a good idea too, but i might set it upon a few inflatable life rafts incase there's another universal flood.
all this would give me the oppertunity to start breeding huskys too, which is fun, stress releaving, and lucrative. the setting for this is in the french/italian alps. rather remote... an hour and a half away from the city. ive always wanted to be a hermit living in a shack. it could give me the peace i need to start living my own life again. there are alot of hotels and restaurants and ski resort around there too so nothing will stop me from getting a good job in my "profession" as well. i really like the idea of working ski season in the kitchen and breeding my dogs in the summer.
welp. we'll see if the deal goes thru.
today is a very important day for the future independance of alexlandia from the tyrany of the dark one. i took my nephews horse riding this weekend and happend upon a very interesting offer. a construction company is desperatly trying to sell a portable home that they have no where to store. about 2000$ is the price they suggested. finding a house for sale for 2000$ doesnt happen everyday. i am anxiously awaiting news from them within the next few hours. i also have some land to put it on, so if the deal goes thru, ill be set. yay. for the mean time ill be living on the ranch with the horseys, free land space for my house in exchange for doing nightwatchperson work stuff and feeding/cleaning horses when their owners are on vacation. and eventually in the future i will move my portable house to my own land, as soon as i will have the money and permits to install sewage pipes, electricity and other neccesary house stuff in the ground. maybe biulding a foundation for my house would be a good idea too, but i might set it upon a few inflatable life rafts incase there's another universal flood.
all this would give me the oppertunity to start breeding huskys too, which is fun, stress releaving, and lucrative. the setting for this is in the french/italian alps. rather remote... an hour and a half away from the city. ive always wanted to be a hermit living in a shack. it could give me the peace i need to start living my own life again. there are alot of hotels and restaurants and ski resort around there too so nothing will stop me from getting a good job in my "profession" as well. i really like the idea of working ski season in the kitchen and breeding my dogs in the summer.
welp. we'll see if the deal goes thru.
